A submission from a CFC Surrogate for our new series – This is Surrogacy.
Some of you know me already from my own blog (https://justthestork.blog/). Some of you are first timers. (have you been living under a rock?!)
Surrogacy. What can I say? It did not disappoint.
It changed my life. Not only my life, but my families.
It all started on a sunny – summer – day…….. Wow, who are we kidding, this is not how I write! Sorry about that regular readers… let me try again… AHEM …
I just recently moved to Military housing with my boyfriend at the time, and was standing at the bus stop on the corner … waving to my kid, when this woman comes running bare foot out of her house, in her pjs, make up…well not where it was originally painted on, lol running towards the bus yelling…… pregnant AF. Some would even say …. A HOT MESS EXPRESS. (Hey Paige, HEEEEYYYY) Later I would come to learn the pregnant belly she was sporting, was not her baby.
This woman was hell-a-inspiring. She has crushed out 4 journeys. Yea, take a moment and raise your tea cup (or whiskey…no judgments here…) to her. We later became friends. Because she is legit one of most amazing souls to walk this earth and has a mouth like a sailor. One would say she is my kind of people. (We even went on a trip to fan girl JT for a concert.) COLES NOTES: I asked. She told me. I contacted CFC. BOOM….
I peeked at a few IP’s profiles, talked to 1, but it was not match at first sight. I know. It happens to the best of us. But when you are about to embark on such a personal experience, you need to have all your ducks in a row. Then I see it.
2 men. 1 bow tie. I needed to know everything there was to know about them. I have a soft spot for bow ties. I forced my kid in them every chance I got. Not even sorry.
I asked to speak to these gents. And let me tell you, fast forward 3 years, I now have 2 gay husbands and a Goddaughter out of my first surrogacy journey. #MyHusbandKnows
They were the couple that the second we started interacting, it was like I found my long lost BFF’S. Now my first experience as a surrogate went crazy smooth. I call it my unicorn journey. I was cleared. I started meds. I got pregnant of the first transfer. The pregnancy was picture perfect. (minus getting stabbed for 12 weeks with needles. But who is complaining….) ZERO complaints. (please note, this was not the case with my own son. He was the most stubborn thing EVER.)
My IPs were international. So yes, now I have somewhere to fly to, visit and fantasize that one day, we will live in a big house together and I will be their little girls (SPOILER ALER ……it was a girl) Nanny. HA.
They arrived a week before my due date. I told them to not even come early. My own son was late. Sure enough… so was Baby Acorn (it was her nickname from day one). She arrived a few days after I hit 40 weeks. A middle of the night, water breaking experience. That was fun. I enjoyed questioning myself at 3 am if I did, in fact…pee my pants.
Well, she was in no hurry to make an appearance. Nor was my body ready to give her up. I laboured for…..what seems like a life time. I think we were pushing 36 hours before things got serious and my body was on official JERK mode and the doctors came in saying C-section was the only way she was going to meet her Daddies. My body refused to dilate past 1cm. (Thanks magical amazing body. You really pulled through, didn’t you?!)
Insert tears of OMG am I going to die? They are cutting into me to pull a HUMAN out of my body! Omg what if I FEEL it? Omg my body will be ruined FOREVER (yep, superficial thought. 100% owning it.) I legit, asked for 5 minutes to accept my new fate. Though, shout out to my doula, she kept me from fully losing my mind. (Hey Sue HEEEYYY! )
That baby girl was beautiful by the way. In case you were wondering; I did not feel it happen. They did cut me. And my body was not ruined in the long run. Fun fact. Baby heads come out of no matter what. So not sure what that freak out was about.
(If CFC lets me, I can give you the follow up version of how journey 2 went.)
Oh, and that one time, after my first c-section I had to poop. My worst nightmare. Don’t ever think you will ever be prepared for that. EVER. #SorryNotSorry Every time someone says they are having a c-section…I mentally light a candle for them and wish them the best.
Photo credit to Lindsay Foster Photography. This is me giving up on a non-medicated birth. #MakeItStop
What you NEED to know. That little girl now has my first name as her middle name.
My husband and I are her godparents. (I know RIGHT?! *gush*)
They spent Christmas 2017 with us. In our home. Go ahead. Cry…. I get all misty-eyed thinking about it.
When they left to go home and FINALLY introduce this real life dream to their friends and family, …we spent the last night together at their Airbnb. Watching sappy tv, eating way to much junk food and me stealing ALL of the baby snuggles EVER.
Now I know what you’re thinking, Courtney… your journey is kind of coming off as uneventful. I know right?… but wait for it…
They had to leave. No one can prepare you for the heart break you are about to encounter.
I woke up. Feed her. Pumped. (yeah…I pumped for her) then….as the Dads were packing up around me, …the tears…just….fell out of my face at a rate I could not even control.
I cried. They cried. (Ok one did not fully let tears show, but I knew what he felt.) We were just a puddle of emotions.
Then. When I thought I stopped…..they handed me an envelope. They wrote me a letter. This letter contained the most amazing words anyone has ever wrote me.
Well ….you can imagine what that did !!
Cried in the van all the way home. Cried in the shower. Cried on the toilet. Cried for 3 days straight. I had ZERO control of any liquid coming from my face. I hid out like it was my job. Post-partum emotions and the fact that I just said goodbye to my new little family… I needed a minute. Because we are now bonded for life. Baby Acorn has a piece of my heart. So do her Dads.
The connection you can build through surrogacy is Fierce. It’s powerful. It moves your soul. It lights a fiery passion in me I never knew existed.
But you know what?
In the last 2 years since baby Acorn has been in all our lives, …I never go more than a few days without talking to her dads, getting photos, videos and our WhatsApp video calls.
Today, I watched her make animal noises, put puzzles together and say hello in her little accent. (My heart busts open even time I see her and hear her).
I have been 2 times to visit them, and since her birth, they came down for 10 days last summer.
My heart is full. She is just another piece to my puzzle. They are forever my family. It’s one of those moments in my life, I can honestly not even put into words. It will go down as one of the most amazing things I have ever been able to do. Not just for someone else, but for me. It changed me in ways I can not even begin to describe.
Now that one time, I signed up to be a surrogate for a second time…..
That’s a story for another day. 🙂