“Should my family be complete before starting a surrogacy journey”
This is a question that I am asked all the time. It’s something that I personally have done myself, so my opinion is defiantly based on personal experience, and obviously the answer will be different for everyone.
One sunny day, I was out for a ride with a friend of mine who offered the topic of surrogacy to me. She had just been matched and was pretty passionate about it. I had so many questions for her, and she luckily had lots of answers.
At the time I had two vibrant 4 year olds who were a whole lot of energy, and a whole lot of work. My husband and I knew we wanted to add to our family, but not for some time. I was young (24), and we honestly had no time line in sight of adding to our family. We just knew that one day we would like to add 1 or 2 more.
After lots of talking, we decided that it was time to move forward with a journey. But something we both agreed on was that I would need to be ok with the possibility of never having any more children. Having a baby, whether your own baby or a surrogate baby, comes with risks. During pregnancy and birth, especially in the case of multiple gestations (twins, triplets), a woman always has the risk of experiencing complications that could permanently damage her fertility. And so for me this was a question that I felt any women considering surrogacy should truly ask herself. Although the risk is small- is it something I was ok with?
For me, that answer was yes. My family is already non-traditional. So if it meant adding to our family thru adoption down the road, we agreed that we were comfortable with it. That and we already had the “million dollar” family too. So I knew it wouldn’t be an awful thing if we got to just enjoy the two we had!
Luckily I went on to have a wonderful surrogacy birth, and no complications to my fertility at all. My husband and I got pregnant 6 months after my surrogacy was done. And now have a beautiful 3rd child. Would I do my surrogacy again before adding to my family? HECK YES! Was hands down, an amazing experience and I’m glad I did it when I wanted to instead of waiting.
We would love to add more to our family still- and funnily enough we are again in the talks of another journey again before our family is “complete”. For now, I’ll enjoy my 3 healthy, happy kids!
When it comes down to it the bottom line is; making the decision to become a surrogate is something that should be carefully considered, but it also can be one of the most rewarding experiences of a person’s life.
Surrogacy Support Worker
Canadian Fertility Consulting