This post is to answer a question that I frequently receive, and often read about on other blogs, although my answer is often the opposite to others’ answers.
As a part of my job, I follow most of the surrogacy blogs, Instagram and TikTok pages to look at trends. I search and compare to see what if anything is changing with people’s opinions of surrogacy, as well as to get ideas for retreats and meet-ups.
The one question that always remains is:
Do surrogates become attached to the baby they carry?
My answer bucks the trend, because I say yes! If you carry a baby, of course you’ll become attached. I can’t even imagine a scenario where you wouldn’t.
However, my take on it is this: does attachment mean that you want to mother the baby? Does attachment mean that you begin to care more about your needs than the intended parents’ needs? No, it doesn’t.
A healthy attachment means that you are fond of or attached to the health and wellbeing of the baby you’re carrying, and that you’re committed to the best outcome for the baby.
I hope that someday we can normalize “healthy attachment” within the context of surrogacy. That we realize that attachment is often a foundational part of the journey.
There’s lots of research about what alcohol and drug use can do to a pregnancy. Conversely, there isn’t much research about carrier/baby attachment. Luckily, we are beginning to learn about attachment during pregnancy through studies. This also extends to intended parents and how they attach and bond with their baby after the birth.
While intended parents have often said things to me like, “I don’t want my surrogate to bond with my baby,” I will challenge them with this: “If she doesn’t bond with baby, who will?”
Here’s an interesting study on attachment.
If you are interested in becoming surrogate or want to find a surrogate through us, check out our website at Surrogacy in Canada | Canadian Fertility Consulting (fertilityconsultants.ca).