SURROGATE ‘M’ SHARES THEIR SURROGACY STORY AND HOW THEY KNEW SURROGACY WAS RIGHT FOR THEM.
How it all started
In high school, my best friend did a project on surrogacy. The idea was so fascinating to me, but it was one of those things that seemed so out of reach, and I had no idea to even begin looking into it so it just became one of those things that I always wanted to do in the back of my mind.
Fast forward to a BBQ with a bunch of other Moms when one of my friends started talking about this crazy thing she signed up to do. I knew in an instant that the time had come for me to finally pursue surrogacy.
It took a bit to convince my husband that it was a good idea, but once he was on board, I wasted no time signing up. I matched with a couple just 2 hours from me. We had a great relationship and connected right away. We were lucky in that our first transfer took, and 9 months later I delivered a sweet baby boy into their waiting arms. Seeing them become parents, and then being able to witness their parents become grandparents after such a long and difficult road was everything. It was in that moment, me sitting in the hospital bed, watching this whole family meet this perfect little boy that my husband looked at me and said “I get it now, I understand why this was so important to you” He then became my biggest cheerleader and would tell everyone who listened how amazing surrogacy is.
My first journey was everything I ever dreamed of surrogacy to be, but I couldn’t have imagined how it would change my life. Looking back on that first conversation at that BBQ, I never could have predicted that I would go on to not only work in the industry but am now currently pregnant with my 4th surrogate baby.
Becoming a surrogate was the best decision I ever made.
Telling my kids about surrogacy
When I completed my first journey, my kids were 3 and 5. I explained to them that my friend had a broken part of her body that wouldn’t let her carry a baby, so I was going to help her and let her use mine. They were surprisingly receptive to it and were excited at the thought of helping someone else have a baby. We had lots of conversations throughout my pregnancy, and while they met my intended parents a few times, given their age they didn’t really think twice when I came home from the hospital without a baby. They were just happy to have their Mom back. Now years later, they still ask about the surrogate babies that I’ve carried. Kids are amazing and resilient and can understand more than we often give them credit for.
Here are some of the resources I used to explain surrogacy to my children.
The very kind Koala
My Mom is a surrogate
Dear Intended Parents
The relationship between a surrogate and IPs (Intended Parents) is one like no other. There are no greeting cards that fit the relationship that you will build together through this journey. This journey is unique to you and your surrogate, with no two journeys being exactly the same.
One of the many great things about surrogacy in Canada is that it’s altruistic so when surrogates sign up, they are signing up with the main goal to help create a family.
While the first steps are exciting, and your instinct may be to want to chat all day every day, try to understand that if your surrogate doesn’t respond right away, it often has very little to do with her excitement or commitment to the process and more to do with trying to balance home, work, kids and life with this new exciting project you are starting together.
We are asked quite frequently, as intended parents how can we best support our surrogate?
Speaking as a surrogate, my greatest advice to you is to start getting to know each other right away. Get curious, ask questions about her family, and share pictures of your lives. Don’t be afraid to send pictures of the food you eat, or how your day at work is going. It may seem boring to you, but it’s exciting for surrogates to see how your home life is different from theirs especially if you are in different countries
As I mentioned previously, no two journeys are the same, and no journey goes without some sort of hiccup or bumps in the road. As much as we would love things to go exactly as we have planned, surrogacy is a human process and just like life, often will throw curve balls our way. Building a strong relationship with your surrogate from the beginning will allow you to navigate those bumps and curve balls a little bit easier. Trusting your surrogate is doing the best that they can also help get through those bumpy patches.
Lastly, don’t be afraid to reach out and ask questions, we at CFC are here to support you and help you navigate through and to do our best to make this the best journey possible for both you and your surrogate.