As surrogates we invest a lot into their relationship with our intended parents: time, energy, trust and sacrifice. The intended parent-surrogate relationship is a unique commitment, and it is important to get to know your intended parents well before moving forward with a surrogacy journey.
As you search for a potential match, you should be looking for someone with whom you feel a natural connection, as well as someone whose hopes, plans, needs and preferences for their surrogacy experience match your own.
When you have found the ‘perfect fit’ that you want to meet, the next step is to set up an initial meeting or Skype/Facetime call to get to know one another better.
During this initial conversation, you will want to focus on getting to know your intended parents on a personal level. It helps to make a personal connection and find common ground with your intended parents before diving into the details of your surrogacy plans.
Here are some basic questions you may want to ask your intended parents as you begin your initial conversation:
- What kinds of things do you like to do? What are your interests?
- What are your values? What is important to you?
- What is your family like? Are they supportive of your surrogacy plans?
- Have you been considering surrogacy for a while? What got you interested in starting your family through surrogacy?
In the two week period where you are making a connection with your intended parents, we suggest some of the below questions to ask as you evaluate your compatibility.
- How committed are you to surrogacy?
- When are you hoping to get started with the process?
- What kind of relationship would you like to have with me before, during and after the baby’s birth?
- How many embryo transfers will you attempt to achieve a pregnancy? How many embryos do you want to transfer at a time? (Keep in mind CFC has an Single Embryo Transfer policy.)
- Are you using your own eggs/sperm or a donor’s?
- Are you willing to get to know my partner and children throughout this process?
- What do you plan to tell your child about surrogacy when he or she is older? What do you plan to tell them about me?
- Does your family know about your surrogacy plans? Are they supportive?
- Do you have certain surrogacy, legal or medical professionals in mind to complete this process?
- What are your thoughts on pregnancy termination and selective reduction?
- What will you ask of me during the pregnancy?
- How do you plan to be involved in this journey?
- What are you most looking forward to about being parents?
Throughout your conversation, you will also need to be prepared to answer questions about your own surrogacy goals and preferences.
Getting to know your intended parents is an exciting and essential step in the process, and one that puts you that much closer to achieving your surrogacy goals. While you may be nervous to get to know your intended parents at first, this is the best way to ensure you have truly found your perfect match—and hopefully, develop a very special relationship unlike any other.