Nici the Doula shares her story w Surrogacy

Canadian FertilityConsultants

“Ma Puce” The story of Lucie and her two amazing Fathers

Pregnant woman

Back in august I attended my sacred pregnancy instructor training. At my retreat I met some amazing women. One is named Leia and is the CEO of Canadian fertility consultants (http://fertilityconsultants.ca/) and another named Angie, who is a surrogate support worker. We bonded and I became very interested in their work. Both woman had been surrogates and have donated their eggs to help families grow. I find it fascinating and amazing.

Being a wife to a husband who has been a sperm donor, I have had the pleasure to experience this really beautiful and delicate situation first hand. I hope to donate one day as well.

BUT. This story isn’t about me. It’s about Lucie and her two daddies.

After the retreat Leia and Angie and I stayed in contact. I came out and helped with a few things, and we are currently in the midst of planning a really lovely event together. However, the biggest honor that Leia gave me was when she asked me to provide postpartum support for two men visiting Canada from France who were going to have a baby born to a surrogate mother.

For their privacy I will call them G and F. Before Lucie was born I was in contact with G and F. They seemed very excited and curious of the unknown just like any family anticipating a new baby. We spoke back and forth for a couple weeks leading up to the birth. I learned about their work as an anesthesiologist and physiotherapist and they kept me in the loop about their surrogate’s possible induction, their visits to the hospital and excitement.

“We are still waiting !!

“She do not want yet to show her nose !! ”

Finally their sweet Lucy Arrived. They were there to witness her birth, and immediately fell in love.

“Ma puce.” They called her.

“Bonjour, ma puce. You are so beautiful.” G would say to her as he held her close.

The first day that she was home with G and F they called me to come over. You could tell that they were in a bit of a whirl. When I came by they greeted me with big smiles and hugs. I got to meet the perfectly serene and round Lucie for the first time. I could tell that G and F were a little frazzled and that they wanted to make sure they were doing everything right. Of course they were, but as new parents who love our babies that’s what we do. We went over feeding, diapering, washing, skin to skin, what to look out for and how to properly use their carrier. G was a big fan of the carrier, but F didn’t feel comfortable using it. Which is fine. I told him to make sure he is always comfortable with how he is caring for his baby. This experience isn’t meant to make you feel scared. And It’s ok if you do. G was beaming with his sweet girl attached to him. He looked completely in his element.

We also went through all the products they had brought from France for Lucie. Everything they were doing was perfect. I think they just needed someone to tell them so. To see their body language change from kind of tense to relaxed by the time I left was very satisfying for me and it made me happy. You can tell that their confidence got a bit of a boost.

As I drove home after our first meeting I was admittedly kind of annoyed. I thought about the people in the world who say that two men can’t successfully raise a child and be a “true family”. Well pardon my French but to that I say, “ fourrer dans le cul . vous crétins”! If people saw the love and adoration I witnessed in those moments, there is no way they could speak against it. It was true love and no one could deny that.

The reason G and F came to Canada to have their baby is because surrogacy is illegal in France.

“In France, since 1994, any surrogacy arrangement that is commercial or altruistic, is illegal or unlawful and is not sanctioned by the law (art 16-7 of the Code Civil).[14] The French Courts the Cassation already took this point of view in 1991. It held that if any couple makes an agreement or arranges with another person that she is to bear the husband’s child and surrender it on birth to the couple, and that she is choosing that she will not keep the child, the couple making such an agreement or arrangement, is not allowed to adopt the child. In its judgment the court held that such an agreement is illegal on the basis of articles 6 & 1128 of the Code Civil, together with article 353 of the same code.[15]“ – Wikipedia

In Canada our laws are quite different

“The Assisted Human Reproduction Act (AHRC) permits only altruistic surrogacy: surrogate mothers may be reimbursed for approved expenses but payment of any other consideration or fee is illegal.[10] Quebec law, however, does not recognize surrogacy arrangements, whether commercial or altruistic.” – wikipedia

It took about a year for G and F to get everything arranged. In that time, with the help of Leia, they found a surrogate, an egg donor and had begun the process of IVF. G spoke to me about the process and how everything just seemed to fall into place. He also spoke about how thankful he was for their surrogate because without her this wouldn’t have been possible. He seemed pleased with how everything went and he mentioned to me about how they were going to be starting the process to get Lucie a brother or sister. G plans to stay home with the children until they are all off to school full time.

In the remaining visits we had together we would go over how things were going. Lucie was growing beautifully and the Doctor was happy with her progress. She is a very chilled out baby with a beautiful little round face and a good appetite. Sometimes we would hang out together and sometimes they would let me snuggle with Lucie while they went and arranged paperwork or had meetings with their lawyer. G anticipated to be here until November 30 or potentially longer until all their legal paperwork was completed.

F had to go back to France to get back to work. But he had facetime visits with Lucie and G. Sometimes I peeked in too.

Well, they must have been very efficient because G was able to leave on Nov 1st to bring their sweet girl back to France to meet all their family and friends. Of course I was overjoyed for them but a little bit sad for me as well. I really loved working with this family and it was hard to say goodbye.

I’m so honored that I got to assist this amazing family through this wild transition into fatherhood. It makes my heart smile. I hope our paths will cross again some day.

I’m so happy surrogacy is legal in Canada. Thank you Canada!

I have never met Lucie’s surrogate mother. If you see this, darling, I want you to know that I’m so inspired by you. You have changed two wonderful peoples lives in a beautiful way . You made them fathers. What they’ve always wanted. I know that they will never forget you and the courageous and selfless act that you did for them. Your surro-baby is in wonderful hands. Thank you.